Hey friend – Rob here.

Movember is upon us, and so is what many are considering "the masculinity election" in the US.

Over the past few weeks, i've been reading, reflecting and riffing with others on modern masculinity.

And because this is a platform about helping strategists grow, there's tons of growth we as men owe to ourselves.

Not to mention to others.

So, here are 30 personal mini-reflections on being a modern man.

(And so it's 100% clear, i'm writing this as a cisgender man, there's tons more nuance for non-binary folks.)

1. A modern man provides, but doesn't enforce the need for being the only provider.
2. A modern man protects, but doesn't confuse this with being manipulative.
3. A modern man recognises there is no single version of a "modern man".
4. A modern man values strength without ever becoming overpowering.
5. A modern man expresses his views without imposing them.
6. A modern man recognises others might be right.
7. A modern man asks openly how he can help.
8. A modern man recognises helping might just mean listening.
9. A modern man recognises listening means asking non-judgemental questions.
10. A modern man shows vulnerability while not increasing the cognitive load of others.
11. A modern man isn't afraid to cry in front of the people they love.
12. A modern man thinks twice about whether his crying will make strangers uncomfortable.
13. A modern man doesn't confuse an attentive woman with someone who is romantically interested in him.
14. A modern man accepts that women have a total right to ignore him.
15. A modern man accepts that women don't owe him anything.
16. A modern man doesn't insist after repeatedly being told "no".
17. A modern man is assertive without being rude.
18. A modern man is sensitive without being defensive.
19. A modern man is proactive without being dismissive.
20. A modern man doesn't use having a dick as an excuse for being a dick.
21. A modern man isn't afraid to walk out of toxic situations that affect him directly.
22. A modern man isn't afraid to speak up when he sees toxic situations that may not even affect him directly.
23. A modern man doesn't start fights, he aims to end them.
24. A modern man asks how someone is *really* doing.
25. A modern man asks before offering advice.
26. A modern man doesn't make every situation about him.
27. A modern man doesn't make others feel small so he can feel big.
28. A modern man is ok with uncertain situations with no clear answers.
29. A modern man helps others feel seen.
30. A modern man believes women.

I could keep going with these, and the list will evolve as i have more conversations and learn more.

Thank you to folks like Zoe, Robbie, Lauren, Adrian, Jess and Stuart for talking with me so far.

If you want to have an on or off the record conversation about this too, email me at rob@salmonlabs.co.

And if you'd like to support my Movember campaign (5th time i'm doing it!), you can do so here.

On top of already donating every month, i will match every incremental donation.

Keep swimming,

Rob

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👋 Need help with your comms, campaigns or content? I can help y'out, just email me at rob@salmonlabs.co. Salmon Labs is the strategy studio that helps savvy brands swim upstream. 100% salmon. 0% spam. Rob Estreitinho Building Salmon Labs > Work​ > Writing​ > Call me maybe​

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